We’re just back from some travel in Ohio to see family, friends and even a couple of doctors. One of our hotels was serviced by porters who were refugees from Afghanistan. I was using a cane because of a problem with one of my legs. So, one of the Afghani porters was trying to do everything he could for us. I figured I needed to keep using my arms and legs but this gentleman, with the best of intentions, was preventing me. My wife tried to tip him but he refused. Instinctively I used a Persian expression that I’d learned while in the Peace Corps in Iran – befarmâyid. It literally means “at your command.” But it is often used in Iran just to mean “please.” He was obviously stunned and was as immobilized as Superman under the influence of kryptonite! This gentleman said he spoke Pashtun, one of the languages of Afghanistan, not Farsi, the language of Iran, but they are very close and many years ago my future wife and I traveled across Afghanistan using our Farsi. Once I said befarmâyid, he accepted the tip and almost instantly all the hotel porters knew we understood some of their language and they couldn’t do enough for us. Reluctantly, they even let us do some things for ourselves.
I think the fact that we had taken the trouble to learn even a closely related language must have felt to them like a mark of respect. It clearly made them feel good. When we Americans travel, we often expect to be able to be understood in English and the difficulties are just about communication. But few speakers of other languages have that luxury and discovering that we Americans can speak their language, even if poorly, says something to them about our goodwill, although there clearly are some countries where poor attempts to communicate in other people’s languages are not well received. But in this case, it was very much appreciated.
I like to ask people who have come here recently how they are doing in America. Sometimes they highlight things that we take for granted. By the way, let me recommend A Beginner's Guide to America, Roya Hakakian’s humorous and perceptive description of what’s it’s like coming here. Anyway, I asked the Afghani gentleman who had been helping us, how things were going. He responded that his daughters were all in school learning to read and write. He was delighted for his family. His girls would have opportunities here that they would not have had in Afghanistan.
I think too many of us are uncomfortable when we realize that people come from different backgrounds. But in my experience, friendly approaches to people of different backgrounds are almost always appreciated.
Let me make one other observation. In contrast to the mistreatment we too often hear about, it was a pleasure to hear this gentlemen speaking up for the welfare of his daughters. And the men were working what we often call menial jobs to keep body and soul together for themselves and their families.
But it also forced me to think about the people we’ve been deporting, and what may happen to all of them if he or they get forced back to Afghanistan. I don’t know the details of their stories. But I wish them all well.
Steve Gottlieb’s latest book is Unfit for Democracy: The Roberts Court and The Breakdown of American Politics. He is the Jay and Ruth Caplan Distinguished Professor Emeritus at Albany Law School, served on the New York Civil Liberties Union board, on the New York Advisory Committee to the U.S. Civil Rights Commission, and as a US Peace Corps Volunteer in Iran.
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