If, like me, you listened with admiration as NPR All Things Considered host Mary Louise Kelly held her ground during a combative interview with then-Secretary of State Mike Pompeo in March of 2020, as just one example, it is interesting to learn just how conflicted Kelly is about continuing in a role she excels at.
In her new memoir “It. Goes. So Fast.,” the journalist and author writes about the sacrifices she has made as a wife and mother to pursue a journalism career from Washington to war zones. And she discusses the times she has put her work on the back burner to be there for her two teenage sons before they leave home forever.
The book is also a chance to learn about Kelly’s battle with hearing loss, her close ties with friends and family, and the allure of the road — both for running and reporting.
Of course it's coincidental, but I had the experience of reading Ari Shapiro's new book and yours back-to-back.
OK.
You both have a lot of journalistic adventures out there. Ari does not want children. Children are a huge part of your life. How did you decide that you wanted to be a mother?
Good question and now you've got me thinking about Ari, who I will share that here at NPR headquarters, our desks are literally like 18 inches apart from each other. There is a wall in between, but it's not very fixed. So, I feel like I have lived the writing of Ari's book with him. And I think he would probably say the same for me. And they are very different books because we're very different people.
I don't know that I had a big moment of reckoning with do I want to be a mom, it was just something I always expected would come in my life. And it did 19 years ago, my first was born and then his little brother two years and change after so they are both teenagers now. And I will say I'll offer the slightest of edits to the very kind intro you gave me. I think you said something like that I was conflicted over whether to continue, about continuing my career. And that's not quite how I might put it. I'm not conflicted over whether to continue my career. I love my career. I'm good at it. I hope that doesn't sound un-humble. But I've gotten to a point where I'm kind of okay with saying that I love doing it, it brings meaning to my days.
I think what I wanted to reckon with the book was that, trying to balance that wanting to be good at my career, and wanting to be a good mom and showing up. It felt like, you know, 19-20 years ago when I was embarking on this whole adventure of motherhood and being a journalist there was so so so many chances to get it right, to do all the things to be in all the places I wanted to be whether that was you know, on the playground on a pretty morning with my kids or in the newsroom doing a big interview or out in the world reporting on some interesting story where people were changing their communities or their countries and wanting to talk to me about it and I get to tell those stories. There were so many chances to do all the things and there still are, but I've hit my 50s now and realize that the clock that was running on the being a mother while your kids are children, because I'm now about to be a mom while my kids are also adults. That clock was ticking fast and started feeling like it was ticking much faster as they got older and the number of opportunities to make choices about how I spend my days dwindled. And that's what I was really reckoning with. So I wrote this book in real time about last year, which was the last year that both my kids were guaranteed to live at home because my eldest was a senior in high school and about to leave the nest and spread his wings.
As you looked back on that year and as now you are reflecting on it, how do you think you did in achieving the balance in the last year you had?
Oh, my goodness, I certainly haven't figured the whole thing out. I wish I had some magic wand or I don't know a secret sauce that I had discovered that I could share with you. I thought this whole juggle, leaning in leaning out, whatever you want to call it, I thought it was going to get easier as my kids got older. And to my surprise, it felt like it got harder. Because again, the stakes got higher. Like the things they needed me for, there was nobody else who could substitute they needed their mom. And the number of chances, as I say, to make those choices became fewer and fewer. I'm going to give an example. My oldest son, his whole life, and kind of, you know, from when he could walk basically revolved around soccer. He's a great soccer player, he loves it, he's always played. His games for his varsity high school team are weekdays at 4 o'clock. And this other thing happened is every day at 4 o'clock, which is “All Things Considered” on air, and I'm supposed to be in the studio anchoring it. And it is not possible, despite all the great technological advances that we enjoyed to be in both places at once. And so, I missed his games, like I missed so many of his games, and I was sad about that. But he would come home and tell me about them. And his dad made, you know, as many games as he could, and it was fine. And I didn't feel the weight of it when there were like a zillion games; this infinite parade of games that seemed like they would never end. But then your kid's a senior, and they're not infinite anymore. You can like count on your own two hands, how many games I have left to make this choice. And it was a wakeup call. And I really thought hard about I don't have any more do overs. I don't have any more chances. Like if I'm going to make a different choice, I need to make it right now, today.
If you don't mind my asking, I actually found myself kind of gasping late in the book, when you reveal that, at some point late in this year that you chronicle, you and your husband hit a rough patch. And I think he asked for a separation. Did that experience kind of reframe things for you also?
So, I will answer that by saying that since I wrote this book, my husband and I have divorced.
OK.
And I think for the sake of my family and privacy, I will leave it there other than to say how proud I am of 25 years of marriage, and that he is a great father and that I wish him well in his next chapter and as he figures out his own decisions on all of these choices.
Well, how are you doing?
I'm OK. And I'm happy to be here. And I'm happy to be putting a book out in the world because it's such a different challenge. You know, our day jobs, as you know, are rewarding and challenging. And, you know, ephemeral, if I can put that word on it. you show up to do a radio show every day and some days, everything goes beautifully and other days, it feels like a train wreck. But one way or the other, the next day is a clean slate. And that has it's really positive points, you get to wake up every day, and think, what's the most interesting thing going on in the world today? What questions do I have about it? Who could answer them? Alright, let's book them. Let's have them come talk to me live on “All Things Considered” today. That is the most interesting, fun, challenging job I can imagine and I feel so grateful to get to do it. On the other hand, a show of two weeks ago, an interview that aired two years ago, it feels like a different lifetime, because you're racing on to the next story and the next conversation and the next important thing that we need to bear witness to. And so, the idea of slowing it all down and really thinking intentionally through the choices I was making in this one particular year felt like such an interesting challenge and I learned things about myself and my family that that I wouldn't have had I not had I not taking the time to do that.
You, I believe, did move back home after college for a little while. Is the invitation open to your kids? So maybe you can tack on a bonus year.
Always. I did indeed move back home. My first actual real grown-up paid job out of college was writing for the Atlanta Journal-Constitution, which is my hometown newspaper where I grew up. I think my first actual assigned beat was covering the Cobb County night cops shift, which involves listening to the police scanner late at night in Cobb County and deciding when it was worth getting in a car and racing over and going to see what the heck was going on. And I moved back home into my childhood bedroom while I did that and was so grateful for that and yes to my boys if you're listening. I may have written a book about the end of your childhood but my home is always our home that is always open to you and gosh I would be so happy and so lucky if one of these days after they've gone and done all the things they want to do in college or grad school or wherever they go, if they came back home, that'd be great. It'll always be home.
Well, we have it on tape if they need it.
I'm on the record.
Mary Louise Kelly is the author of "It. Goes. So. Fast.: The Year of No Do-Overs" and of course you can hear her on this station anchoring “All Things Considered” each weekday. Mary Louise, thank you so much for what you do. And thank you for taking the time.
