It’s not every day that I’ll spend close to forty bucks on a lightbulb. But the LED spotlight I bought at Lowe’s a few years back made extraordinary claims. For starters, it promised “exceptionally bright light.” The equivalent of 250 incandescent watts. I’ve always fantasized about lighting up our woods and this seemed a cheap way to do so. Rather than runs underground lines from the house to the trees at significant expense all I’d have to do was shine one of these monsters from an existing fixture on our sundeck.
And I got results the night I installed it. I glanced out the window to see a possum walk through its beam, like an actor crossing a stage. Not only that but the GE packaging predicted twenty-two years of warm white 3000 lumens light. I’m not good at math but dividing twenty-two years by forty bucks — I’m hopeful of living out the bulb since longevity runs in our family — sounded like a bargain.
Unfortunately, the bulb died recently. Way short of twenty-two years. It didn’t even survive five years. In other words, it may rank as the most expensive lightbulb I ever bought. In case you’re wondering, the problem wasn’t the outdoor fixture, even though mud wasps made a happy home there. I tried a different bulb and it worked just fine.
I can’t say for certain whether the bulb remains under warranty because I lost, tossed or misplaced the receipt. I sometimes get on my wife’s case for throwing out boxes before we know for sure whether the appliances they contained actually work. But who can expect even the most anal-retentive individual to safeguard a receipt, through the chaos of everyday life, across two decades?
My lightbulb problems aren’t limited to outdoor lighting. I have lots of paintings and picture lights over most of them. Take my advice: even a mediocre painting will return the love with its own light source. However, I’ve recently been replacing the artworks’ 25 and 40 watt incandescents with LEDs that promise 15,000 hours of light. Even at eight hours a day that’s more than five years of viewing pleasure.
My painting lights have posed a somewhat different problem than my spots. They don’t die completely. Two of the four filaments continue to shine while the other two fade away. As any self-respecting consumer does these days I performed an AI search to see if I alone was cursed or if other buyers were experiencing the same issues. Apropos those tubular painting lights, AI listed premature failure among their problems but rated them generally reliable.
Premature failure, especially in wet conditions, was also listed among the problems with my GE Ultra Brights despite the fact that they’re outdoor wet rated, whatever that means. Examining the fine print on the box — yes, I kept the box — it’s guaranteed to last but five years on three hours use per day. That doesn’t sound like an overwhelming vote of confidence for a lightbulb promoted to survive into the 2040’s. (In my euphoria over the bulb’s super-duper specifications I failed to spot the asterisk.)
With both the indoor and outdoor lights I tried to contact the manufacturers to lodge a complaint. Or more precisely to register my disappointment. I’m not lobbying for a free bulb, though that would be nice. A box of free bulbs would be even better. But as anybody who has tried to contact a manufacturer recently with questions or issues knows it’s like running a gauntlet on Squid Game. If you think it’s challenging to get a human on the phone for anything other than to upgrade your service just try to register your dissatisfaction with one of their products.
To Satco’s credit — they’re the tubular painting light manufacturer — they promptly apologized when I filled out their online form and directed me to a second warranty form. My interaction with GE, if one can call a one-sided effort an interaction, was less edifying. A call to their 800 number directed me to their website. However, every time I tried to submit the product information and any comments — as you can imagine I had comments! — it failed to send.
The greatest cost isn’t to my wallet but to my dwindling faith in human evolution. Admittedly, if I’m searching for examples of humanity’s downfall there are far more compelling illustrations than a balky lightbulb. I was more than willing to pay the extra cost of a pricy LED in exchange for the peace of mind that comes with the comforting knowledge that you’ll never have to replace that bulb again. Or almost never. And save money on electricity to boot. I haven’t even mentioned the eye-popping estimated energy savings. Are those as aspirational as their lifespan claims?
My trust in LEDs has been severely undermined if not shattered. Oh, for the days of incandescents. They were cheap, reliable and burned your hand when you touched them. That just proved they were working.
Ralph Gardner Junior is a journalist who divides his time between New York City and Columbia County. More of his work can be found in the Berkshire Eagle and on Substack.
The views expressed by commentators are solely those of the authors. They do not necessarily reflect the views of this station or its management.
