These days, addiction to shopping certainly receives attention, but a critical, related disorder needs to be discussed. At malls and shopping plazas, are you addicted to close parking? Do you circle the lot three times in quest of that perfect spot, right next to accessible? I’m here to help.
As I try to remedy your compulsion, there’s a few things I won’t tell you. I won’t tell you that, with far-off parking, the longer walk to the store is better exercise. Anyone who hears this little gem promptly dozes off. I won’t tell you that you’re lazy. You probably are, but that’s no biggie.
When you, close parker, pull into that coveted spot, you feel quite satisfied. But wait. A nice couple carrying nine bags has returned to the car alongside you. They’re opening doors, so you can’t open yours. Trapped. Now they’re dropping things and barking at each other, car doors still open, oblivious to the most important person -- you. Minutes later you are freed, but your blood pressure is up and you start your shopping all frazzled. Can that be good?
A comparison. As you grapple with your close parking buddies, another couple is cruising into the lot and parking far away, in the wide-open spaces. They do the handy pull-through, of course, easing into the better, forward spot. They both get out, stretch, check their phones, and stroll in. Stress-free shopping.
Have you, close parker, ever thought about your parking lot exit? It’s not a pretty sight. You’re ready to back up, but shoppers heading to and fro keep walking behind your car. That’s because you parked too close. It’s congested. You put your head on a swivel, checking both ways for people, and pray for an opening. You get it, but now two cars are stalking your spot and hampering your back-up. You go for it and nearly hit one of them, then at last escape, exhaling and aching for home.
Meanwhile, a far-off parker is trunking her bags, hopping in, and with few shoppers nearby, driving merrily away. Isn’t that better?
I know, close parker, that even these arguments may not sway you. With your compulsion, you can’t imagine parking any other way. Draw a mental picture. Like a golfer visualizing a perfect wedge shot from 60 yards out, just envision yourself coasting into a sea of prime parking spaces 60 yards from the store. It’s a beautiful picture. Shake that wicked habit, close parker -- treasure the wide-open spaces.
Essayist Jim Crowe is an Albany Resident
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